“the sound of patterns breaking”



commune ghosts.


radical communitarian.

home life is pretty cozy. an hour later i’m on the road with butterflies after responding to an email: i’m magically going to visit my fairy godmother/cousin and a place i’ve only dreamed about—a cosmic alignment.
urban chicken snuggles in the garden for a quick water.


yellow brick road. i’m so taken with adventure i forget a sweater and my toothbrush.
a golden landscape leaves me enchanted and ecstatic. the velvety beauty unspeakable.
thinking on the drive: we are all seeds. burst, trust, be you: you are perennially beautiful.


i drive through the redwoods at dusk, the foxglove and daisy glowing from the roadside. i’m spit out onto the coast, listening to mendocino public radio, hearing the haunting tunes of joni mitchell and jefferson airplane. it feels like i’m entering the rebellion of the 60’s.


the evening is eternal as it finally falls into blackness, and i am greeting by twinkling stars and magic woods.

i can’t believe i’m here— one can follow an instagram account of a once dormant slowly waking redwood commune, but to actually arrive feels surreal.

fritz receives me with a hello and a head lamp, pointing me down a dark forest trail to the sauna where the rest of the guests are gathering after a long day of artistic construction and collaboration.


the air smells fecund. and sweet. and damp.

i embrace my beloved cousin, feeling blessed, in a handmade cabin built from idealistic dreams. she’s usually on the other side of the continent, weaving at her radical homestead. to be with her here: <3 <3

she’s setting out with redwood needle tea in a kettle and two glasses, and i follow her in the dark, under burning planets and stars through the forest, to the sauna.

i meet everyone as we take off our clothes in the candle light.


we tell stories in a circle, starting where the other left off.

whisps of radical commune dreams swirl in the redwoods.

(at night i dream of a new lover, wandering foreign streets with me, us tasting every delicious new treat the market has to offer. i wake up happy, in a new and perfect world wanting to be explored.)IMG_20160611_064729302IMG_20160611_064756724IMG_20160611_065040924IMG_20160611_065157841

remembered and gathered items from the commune’s ceremony days.

“as i eat of you we are fed by all that is…”IMG_20160611_065259161“i was a stranger to myself…” spending the night reading through the entire country women, radical feminist separatists that build their own homes and share their courage, heart break, former lovers admonishing them to be here now as they grate carrots for salad in despair, mothers who quit motherhood and leave their husbands and children, women embracing a painfully liberating dedication to independence and feminism. i’m so taken by their honesty, feeling less alone.IMG_20160611_065359081protest culture looking for something beyond mainstream society…are you inheriting mindless consumer conformity? california has quite a utopian history.IMG_20160611_065828244“i’m committed to healthy group dynamics. i feel deeply that i want to be respected.”IMG_20160611_065949372IMG_20160611_070016137IMG_20160611_070242600the eternal fool. literally skipping through the redwoodsIMG_20160611_071541506IMG_20160611_072239641IMG_20160611_072343829IMG_20160611_072536307IMG_20160611_072749475IMG_20160611_073009889IMG_20160611_073216889IMG_20160611_081623888IMG_20160611_081751840IMG_20160611_081834988IMG_20160611_082022590IMG_20160611_082155591IMG_20160611_082322786_HDRIMG_20160611_082531025IMG_20160611_082624378IMG_20160611_082806304IMG_20160611_082826707IMG_20160611_083218775“there is no beginning to my passion. how i relate to my feelings and how i fit myself into an all too often apathetic and/or hostile environment is more than difficult.. take the present situation: me, my not too meek approach, an intense aggressive style. put these in a woman’s body and watch me pack ’em in as fast as i back em off—people, that is. i feel lonely a lot, apart from the world, a misfit.”IMG_20160611_083743998

Idealism runs high in a radical community/ it takes a lot of faith to believe that a better world can be built

IMG_20160611_083905606i’m such a goober. had to wriggle in on this group foto. 😛IMG_20160611_091611106

we visited a near by saw mill, run by a man who showed us his gardens and structures. he was raised in a mendocino commune, the community taking aum as the surname. IMG_20160611_091822183IMG_20160611_094725042i asked him about his experiences: the commune he was raised in disbanded; he mentioned high ideals—unrealistic—-unable to build economy— he still goes by aum, and uses the om symbol for his wood cutting business.

Just a return to what’s been known with what we know now:::: a remembering and an integrating.


collecting redwood chips for the humanure. 🙂
queenie’s diner. ***** 5 stars.
good byes.


thank you for seeing me.

thank you for being a model of compassion, courage, unwavering faith in heart–

you are a true pioneer.

the new pioneer.

the collector, facilitator, the weaver.

ima go ahead and cite genetics for all of this bliss.


IMG_20160611_120108814IMG_20160611_152814904_HDR              on a mission in the mission: burritos and a book.IMG_20160611_155455479_HDR

” we smell like dirty hippies that just left a commune in the redwoods…..” yep.


i will never doubt again.


this tiny whirlwind was straight from an inter-dimensional vortex.

i was able to glimpse into what was within the realm of possibility; i tasted the fruits of my highest ideals.

i arrived home with utter contentment,

thankful for exactly where i’m at with my budding awareness of my power, my two children, and a comfortable place to live and continue to weave visions.


like a slap

like a spatula scraping me off of a frying pan

there is a power taking over me.

heart open.

mind growing.

glimpses into revolution.


stars in my eyes,

i will never doubt my magic again.

it’ll take work, and dedication,

but i’ve been offered a peak into my deepest and truest dreams,

and saw that they were possible,

and that i was indeed capable.



Leave a Reply